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Titles:
Ray at the Seaside
Organic Café |
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Ray at the Seaside
Maybe a seaside sky doesn't give up colours with names. That's why
people sit there watching. Ray was always one for watching. His
grandmother, Peg, once found him watching his own toe for such a
long time that her tea went cold and had to be thrown away. 'He's
an odd one,' she'd said to Ruby her daughter, Ray's mother. She
said no more but left it at that. Ray had heard though. He felt
now that there might be a name for his kind of watching. It seemed
to take up such a huge part of his life. He could sit or stand for
hours not thinking anything in particular. He could sit through
heavy rain showers and just stand on the edge of dual carriageways,
looking. Sometimes he felt as if wherever he was was imprinted in
full colour detail on the inside of his mind so he did not have
to think about it or work anything out, it was just there. It took
a bit to make him stir but he could feel the deckchair was damp.
A storm was brewing but what it was about he hadn't a clue. Ruby
had put her cardigan on inside out yesterday and gone all the way
to the shops, done the day's shop and come all the way home without
noticing. She had also begun to talk to him as if he were a small
child. 'Ray, would you like some bread and butter? Is there enough
butter on that bread? Shall-I-put-the-jam-on-it-for-you?'. He poked
the toes of his boots into the pebbles so they scrunched. It set
his teeth on edge because he was tense but he liked that. If he
was different from who he was, he would have got up and run along
the beach making lots of noise. But he was Ray and he was wearing
two vests so he could sit here for a very long time. He remembered
a lad from school had said that he had a frame like a bicycle. He
knew what that meant. Dead skinny. But his frame was not set against
the sea breeze. No, not that. Just against what he might be having
to think out. He pulled at the buttons on his cardigan. They had
always been too big for the button holes. His wrists showed while
he did this. They were bone thin with huge knuckles, eruptions like
the Mount Fuji that lovely geography teacher had showed his class.
He liked her. She showed them places like Egypt and Turkey and Taiwan.
She had shown them pictures and he had kept the full details in
his head. In fact, he had a lot going on right now. Too much. He
should have told Ruby to turn her cardigan the right way out before
she left for the shops.
Ray tugged hard at the sleeve of his cardigan. He could do with
a cup of tea. He could go home for one but he didn't want to. Not
yet. He could go to the Kiosk along the beach but he didn't like
the man who ran it. He hated Colin. Colin watched, like Ray but
not because he liked looking but because he wanted to know things.
He would ask Ray questions he couldn't answer. Ruby would ask him
questions when he got home but that wasn't what was worrying him.
It was not that at all. It was because for the first time in his
life he knew he had to ask Ruby questions and Peg too.
Ray lowered his head to his chest. He just wanted to clear his mind
a bit. But it didn't help. Without hardly noticing he found that
he had got up and was walking towards the station. It was not far
because the train track ran beside the sea. In fact in bad weather
the sea sprayed up right across it and drenched the train. Ray had
been in one of those trains. He didn't quite know what to make of
it. It wasn't quite as enjoyable as his friend, Matt had said it
was. Anyhow, he found himself at the station and as soon as he realised
that's where he was, he felt it was the right place to be. It was
busy and people were passing by all the time and they didn't notice
anyone hanging around. Ray didn't intend to hang around though.
He wanted a cup of tea and then he'd sit for a bit. He knew where
the tea was served and went in. It was £1.50 which Ray thought
was a lot but he got out his purse and with only a bit of bother
found the money and gave it to the girl. Actually he gave her £2.00
and when she handed back the 50p he struggled to open the funny
clip-to top because you had to squeeze the two ends together and
Ruby had never explained that to him properly. He did feel much
happier though. The tea was hot and he'd put in lots of sugar and
he had already seen a nice bench to sit on. It had another bloke
on it but Ray didn't mind. He liked the company. He could sit on
and watch all the people rushing past. There were so many of them
and they all looked really busy. He liked that. There was one woman
who looked anxious, standing just to the side of him. She looked
nice and she was obviously waiting for someone. She waited for a
long time and Ray noticed her looking at her watch quite a few times.
He wondered what had held up the person who was coming to meet her
and then decided that it was none of his business and that if he
didn't watch it he'd be as bad as that Colin at the beach Kiosk
so he turned away and tried not to look at anything in particular.
He just looked straight ahead. The trouble with looking straight
ahead was that lots of untidy thoughts flew in and he had to keep
his head very steady to cope with it all. There was something nagging
him. He couldn't think it out but he would given a bit of time.
When the light faded, he became aware that the groups of people
passing were much smaller and he thought it might be time to go
home.
As Ray reached the front door, he saw Ruby standing on the front
step looking out at him. He felt uneasy but he knew that Ruby would
never say anything unkind. That's how she was, considerate and careful
of peoples' feelings. He thought he was a bit like that too but
sometimes his friends didn't seem to quite understand. When he got
up close, he waved at his mother, not his normal greeting. He just
did it without thinking and she smiled at him, just as she always
did, a warm and cosy smile. He felt better already. Ruby turned
into the house and Ray followed her. It all felt familiar now but
instead of going right along to the kitchen, Ruby turned right into
the living room. And there was Peg, waiting for them with a cup
of tea and a large teapot he didn't recognise with another couple
of cups and milk and sugar beside it.
Ruby sat down on one end of the second settee and Ray felt he should
sit on the other end but he sat down very gingerly as if he had
a sore backside or a bad back. He had had a bad back last year and
it had been bad for a very long time. He'd had to do lots of dreadful
exercises to get it to improve but he had stuck with it and it had
improved and now it was as good as new, fortunately. He might need
a good back as Ruby and Peg looked very serious. Whatever could
they want to talk about? Should he ask or should he wait 'til they'd
said what was on their mind?
Ray, as we know, could wait and wait. He could wait for Christmas
if he had to.
He didn't have to though because just as he had adopted his waiting
position looking straight ahead, Ruby said something. 'Ray, I've
been meaning to say something to you for a while now but I haven't
quite got round to it.'
Ray looked at the ground. He noticed the carpet, not that he hadn't
noticed it a thousand times before but he could feel his eyes being
kind of taken over by it.
It had lots of flowers all over it and he remembered very sharply,
as if it were yesterday, when his uncle Ernest had got in very late
of a Saturday night and said when he was cross questioned by Peg,
that he'd only been watering the flowers. He thought that was very
odd indeed and struck him as funny. Ruby didn't stop though. She
went on, 'Ray, I need to go into hospital to have a little operation.
Nothing serious but I'll be away for a few days. Peg will be here
but I'll be in hospital for a few days.' Ray couldn't believe that
was it. That it was over. Ruby would be away for a few days and
that was the sum of it. No sooner had he thought that than he began
to think, well, that's OK but Mum has never been away before. He
felt he should ask something but he couldn't quite get a question
together in his head. He wanted to though. Peg asked whether he
wanted a cup of tea and he said, yes, that would be fine. He looked
at his hands and Ruby knew he wanted to say something so she waited.
In the end, Ray said, 'Can I stay in the hospital too?' Ruby said
that she didn't think that was possible but that she'd definitely
check. Peg said she didn't think there was any room for relatives.
Ray thought that might be the case, so he wasn't at all surprised.
He began to feel a bit tired though and thought after he'd had a
cup of tea, he'd just go off to his room and lie down for a bit.
When Ray was alone, his head became a jumble of different sensations
and ideas that didn't quite make sense to him, so he pulled himself
together as Peg would have said and got into bed. Bed was always
a reassuring place to be and without sparing a thought to Ruby,
he was asleep in a matter of seconds. It was not that he didn't
love Ruby, he really, really did, it was just that too much was
happening all at once and he had to keep steady. At this particular
time, he had actually to get some sleep. He needed it. He didn't
wake up until 9.00am the next morning when Peg came in with a mug
of tea. He loved Peg too, very much. She had always been kind to
him and always been around when he or Ruby needed help. Like the
time when he was being bullied at school, there she was at the school
gates, picking out the boys responsible, getting their names-he'd
never know how she managed that- and taking them straight to the
head master, Mr Cann. After that, Ray never had another spot of
bother. Peg had seen the boys off and they never even shouted at
him again. School became fun after that. Good old Peg. She was a
trooper, as she would have said herself.
Well, this morning Ray felt bright and alert and ready for things
to happen, which was just as well because Peg told him that Ruby
was off to the hospital today and that she had to go with her, so
could Ray sort himself out at home. Ray said he could, no bother
at all. A whole day sorting himself out on his own, just thinking
about it made him feel happy. He dressed quickly and ran down stairs
fast to make sure that he caught Ruby before they went. There she
was looking tired and a bit tearful so Ray gave her a big hug and
said he'd be fine and that she wasn't to worry, he'd go along to
the beach and get an ice cream when he'd done the washing up. Ruby
smiled and asked him if he had enough money, Ray said he had. Peg
pushed £5.00 in his hand and he said there was no need for
that and gave it back. But Peg didn't notice as she was rushing
to get them both ready for the taxi which had arrived outside. Ray
waved them goodbye and went straight to the sink, put on his gloves-he
had to do that as he had some trouble with his skin- and started
to wash the breakfast dishes. It didn't take him long as he was
used to it. He did a good job as he thought that would be right
in the circumstances. He washed every plate and all the cutlery
and mugs really thoroughly and sorted them all out and put them
back in their place in the cupboards in the kitchen, all neat and
tidy. When he'd done that, he went back up stairs to his room and
tidied his bedroom so Ruby wouldn't be upset when she came home.
He also made his bed really well and folded in all the corners of
his bottom sheet so the duvet on top looked neat as well as clean.
Then he went round the rest of the house checking that it was all
ship shape. It was. He didn't have to move or clean another thing.
Peg must have been busy over the last few days tidying.
At last, he felt free to wander down to the beach. When he got there
he sat down straight onto the pebbles. He didn't want to sit on
a deck chair this morning. There was no need. He wanted to rest
his head back and it didn't matter that the pebbles were hard. That
didn't bother him. It felt really good. He could lay here and think
about nothing. He didn't feel the bumps at all. In fact, he dozed
off straight away. Lovely. When he woke up it was cold. A sharp
cold which had already sliced into his back. He liked the sharpness
though, it had a distinct impact on his muscles. They had become
tense but he needed that to get himself going. Just as he was thinking
this, he saw that Colin waving at him. He'd have to go over or it
would be rude. Ruby had always told him not to be rude. She said
there was never any need to be impolite, whatever the situation.
If other people were rude, then that was their problem, you didn't
need to make it yours. Ray knew that made sense. He liked being
polite anyhow and he hated it when people were rude to him. He thought
of that bully, Dale who was always shouting at him, 'Queer boy!
How's queer boy today? Not got his mummy with him today, eh? What
would she say if I told her that he'd wet his pants?' Then he'd
laugh very loud. Ray was pleased that no-one took any notice of
Dale anymore. He'd been too noisy and too much of a bully for too
long. He'd beaten up a young lad last Christmas and no-one had forgotten
that. Ray couldn't say he was pleased that the lad had been hurt
but he was certainly pleased that Dale was off his back. He used
to dread going down Buchanan Street late afternoons as he would
always be there. Now, whether he was or not, Ray could go there,
just when he liked. But now he had to get right along the beach
and face that Colin. He got up, smoothed down his clothes, made
sure he had everything and started to walk towards the kiosk.
Ray walked so slowly, if you'd been watching him from the promenade
you might have thought he wasn't moving. But he was. Slowly, as
slowly as he could, he crossed the beach and arrived at the kiosk
and there was Colin, big, fat, Colin.
His cheeks were all puffed out. He had obviously been eating more
than usual. In fact, he must have been stuffing himself. Ray suddenly
felt he couldn't remember the last time he ate. He must have had
breakfast but what did he have? He must have had a cup of tea because
he always had that. Tea and two sugars. Ruby always made him tea
first thing in the morning. He couldn't remember a time when she
hadn't come into his bedroom of a morning with tea. In fact, he
couldn't think of that never happening again. How could he? Ruby
always made him tea first thing. If she didn't, who would? Peg?
No, it just didn't work. She was good to him, Peg. She was kind
and she had a good stock of jokes, which he liked. He couldn't remember
any right at the moment but they did make him laugh, a lot of them.
Colin was staring at him right now though. He had better order something.
'Tea and two sugars, please, Colin', he said and moved very quickly
to the side of the kiosk where there were some chairs and a few
tables to sit at. Ray sat at one of the tables. There was no-one
else around because the summer season had come to an end. He felt
safe again now. He loved looking at the sea. It was just there.
Empty. Empty even when boats were there on the horizon. It was empty
of stuff, of clutter and things moving around, except of course,
in August when there were hundreds of children mucking about in
it, all crowded into a small space, on their lilos and rubber rings
and in their bright coloured canoes. Ray was thinking about this
and August and all the different colours brought to the beach by
all the children when Colin suddenly appeared almost right on top
of him, lurching over him with a mug of tea. You could see from
his face that he had questions to ask, like why was Ray back to
the beach so soon. Wasn't he due at the Centre today and that sort
of thing. Colin asked, 'On your tod today then, Ray?' Ray said he
was. Then Colin said, 'Nothing wrong then, is there?' 'No, there
was nothing wrong,' Ray replied. Ray sat as still as he possibly
could, as if he were one of the pebbles. He knew Colin would always
have another question. 'Ruby alright, is she, Ray?' 'Yes, she's
fine, thanks.' Ray sipped his tea. He looked right down into the
mug, concentrated so hard he knew it would be difficult for Colin
to go on questioning him. Colin hesitated. Then, he asked, 'Peg
alright, is she?' Ray didn't answer. He knew it was rude but he
didn't care. He wanted Colin to leave him alone. He ruined the sea
view.
After what seemed an age, but before Ray's tea was cold, Colin turned
and went back into the kiosk. Ray yawned. He spread his legs out
under the table. OK. Life was back to normal again, at least for
a bit. He had the view to himself and nothing, nothing at all was
out there. He could relax. For now, at least.
He must have dozed off because the next thing he noticed was that
Colin clearing away the cups and plates from the next table and
after that, putting the chairs on top of the table. So, it was time
to shut up shop. Ray thought Colin looked quite tired but he still
didn't want to have a chat. He wanted to keep to himself, at least
for today and while Ruby was in hospital, so he sneaked away when
Colin popped back inside the kiosk to replace the condiments. He
tried to walk behind it so Colin couldn't see him walk away but
Colin did see him and called out, 'Ray, come back tomorrow and I'll
give you a full meal.' Well, Ray thought that was kind and he wanted
to call back a thank you but he just couldn't, it was too much.
He felt like crying and wanted to run but he couldn't do that either
so he just walked as quickly as he could towards home.
Walking home took longer than usual. He didn't know why. He seemed
to take ages to cross each street and get on his way. Each time
he had to turn a corner he seemed to lose focus; things seemed to
go fuzzy and his head became unclear.
He knew very well where he lived, everyone knew that. It was 27
Archer Street.
He walked around on his own all the time. It had been years since
he'd had to walk alongside Ruby or Peg. In fact, he couldn't remember
that last time he had walked in order to be safe with one of them.
He walked with Ruby whenever he could because they had fun and with
Peg too. They'd often laugh at little things they saw, like a big
seabird snatching at fish and chips in a bin. Once they laughed
at one of those birds darting onto a lady's hat but in the end they
felt mean because she had become frightened and it seemed as if
the bird was on the attack.
Ruby said there must have been young nearby. Ray thought that was
no excuse for poking into someone's head but he let it pass. Ruby
loved birds. She fed them every day. He often had to go and buy
the birdseed for her. Now he was wondering whether they'd been fed
today. He didn't think Ruby had remembered and he was sure Peg wouldn't
have thought to do it. He must concentrate to get home to feed them
himself. That would please Ruby. She'd like coming home to that.
Ray was beginning to struggle really hard now to find his way. He
crossed Marybank Street and turned left into Camberwell Avenue and
thought he'd cracked it, when something went wrong at the end of
the avenue and he couldn't think which way he then had to turn.
But his luck was in, Bert from the fish shop saw him and must have
understood that he was a bit unsure about which way to go. He said,
'Hiya, Ray, not far from home now then, it's just down Princess
Street straight ahead, isn't it?' Ray was grateful for that. Bert
was a good chap. He was often on the beach with his family and he
was always playing games with them. Sometimes Ray wondered why he
didn't ever have a father who played games. He had asked Ruby about
it but she hadn't said much. In fact, he couldn't really recall
what she had said. But he must concentrate now on getting home.
He was on Princess Street and was walking quite quickly. He was
a slow walker as a rule. As he was getting to the end of the street,
he heard someone shout out his name. It was Dale. Couldn't have
been anyone else. Loud and clear. He belted out Ray's name. How
could he possibly have known that Ray was uncertain and a bit lost?
Ray didn't turn, just kept on walking right into the end of his
street, Archer Street. He only had a few yards left to walk and
then he'd be safe. Dale wasn't having that. He must have known that
Ray was on his own so he ran across the corner of Princess Street
and turned right into Ray's path. Got lost did we, Ray? He said.
Ray said nothing, nothing at all. He kept on walking but it was
getting difficult with that big hulk in his way. Somehow he walked
right through Dale, literally right through where Dale was. Something
came over him and he felt he must get home. He really had to find
out if Ruby was OK and he had to assure Peg that he was alright
so he kept on walking hard against the pavement, strong steps, onetwo,
onetwo, like the guys in the army he'd seen on TV. He didn't know
quite what happened but Dale disappeared. He reached the front door,
found his key and was inside reaching for the telephone before he
had time to think what he'd done. On his own.
Ray lifted the hand receiver and dialled the number Peg had given
him at the hospital. He said he'd like to know whether Ruby White
was OK. There was a long pause and he was handed over to another
person, who asked, 'Ruby who? What's she in for and who am I speaking
to?' Ray told her who she was speaking to and said he didn't know
what she was in for. Then there was another long wait.
He was feeling on edge now. Why didn't they know Ruby and why weren't
they able to just tell him? All his life, he'd been told things
slowly and quite clearly. Ruby had made sure of this. He waited
five whole minutes before another voice spoke to him but this voice
was a kind one and Ray listened intently. It said, 'Hello, Ray.
Your mother is fine. We'd like to keep her in hospital for a few
more days just to make sure she's on the mend. Peg will come home
later today. She wants to know if you're alright.' Ray said firmly
that he was. He was fine. He'd have liked to have said that he'd
got the better of that Dale but he didn't. He said, 'Thank you.'
Then he put the receiver down. Thank you, thank you, he muttered
under his breath. He was so relieved that Ruby was OK. Lots of questions
formed in his mind and he felt quite dizzy with it. He sat down
on the settee nearest him. He was in the living room now and it
was all neat and tidy, just as they'd all left it. It was only him
and the winter sun was shining through the window. Ray felt truly
happy.
After about an hour, he got out his favourite puzzle, the one with
the dinosaurs and all those bright trees and mountains in the distance.
It was brilliant. He loved the bright colours. He got down to it
really well and after about another hour he'd almost finished it
when he heard an unfamiliar sound. He wasn't sure what it was. It
sounded like breaking glass. He had broken a few things in his life
but not many and Ruby and Peg never did. He couldn't quite hear
where it came from but it felt a bit frightening. He sat still,
very still indeed. What was he to do? He'd rung the hospital and
that was it. His old school friend Ed had moved away and he didn't
know anyone else he could ring so he sat for quite a few minutes.
After a while he felt he must do something so he went into the kitchen
and then he found out what had happened, a stone had been thrown
through the kitchen window. Ray had learnt that if bad things happened
you just had to carry on and pretend that things were alright. Ruby
had taught him that. So, he made a cup of tea, put in the sugars
and went back to the living room and finished the jigsaw puzzle.
He liked it a lot, so bright and clever. All those dinosaurs with
their great big necks and scaly backs and the way they all played
with each other. He liked all their mucking around. He liked the
palm trees too because they were so green and, of course, the mountains
in the distance. He loved mountains. They had the same effect on
him as the sea views. It was calming. Ray sat looking at the jigsaw
and smiling at it for ages. When he came to, the sun had cleared
from the sky. It was getting late and he'd better make something
to eat or he'd go hungry. He got up, walked to the kitchen, opened
the nearest cupboard and took down a tin of baked beans. He knew
how to heat them up. Ruby had shown him and he liked the taste of
them. He got out a small pan, the one Peg used to warm up the milk
for her coffee which only she drank as neither Ruby nor he liked
it. He got out the tin opener and did a good job of opening the
can and getting the beans out into the pan. Ray lit the gas. It
was just pressing a knob, after all and began to warm the beans
up. While he did this, he thought he'd like some bread and butter
and maybe a bit of cheese so he fetched the bread from the cupboard
and the cheese from the fridge and before he knew it, he'd made
a good meal for himself. He took his meal back to the living room
to eat. He wasn't sure why but he just did. He ate it slowly so
he could enjoy it. Sometimes, when Ruby was in a rush, like when
she wanted to go out to Bingo or the hairdressers, he had to rush
through his tea. He didn't mind at all because he wanted Ruby to
have a good time and he always liked looking at her when her hair
was done. It was a kind of golden colour. She was pretty, Ruby.
She had always been pretty. He had seen men looking at her often.
He liked to look at her and sometimes just lay about looking at
his mother as she worked. Ruby didn't mind. She always said, 'Just
so long as you're happy, Ray.'
What could he do now to pass the time 'til Peg got back? He put
the television on.
It was some stupid quiz show with a silly presenter with a high
pitched voice. He let it run on, just for the company. He wondered
whether he should get ready for bed but looked at his watch and
it was only 7.30pm and much too early for that so he dozed on the
settee with the pink cover and began to daydream about dinosaurs,
lots of them all playing around in the shade of green palm trees
in bright sunshine. He had dozed off completely when he heard the
key in the latch. That was Peg, coming home at last. He had no idea
of the time. Peg came into the room and he could see instantly that
she was very tired. 'Hi Ray', she said. 'Do you want a cup of tea?'
Ray said, 'Yes, I do but I'll make it. You just sit there and put
your feet up.' With that, he went off to the kitchen, made the tea
and brought it back. He thought Peg was asleep when he returned
but she opened her eyes wide and said, 'You're a good man, Ray.
I've missed you today and so has Ruby. She's alright, you know.
The hospital just wants to double check on her, keep her in for
a few nights to check everything's OK.' Ray said, 'I know, Marcia
from the hospital told me.' Peg seemed pleased. 'Oh, you spoke to
Marcia then, did you?' 'Yes, I did. She was very nice.' 'She's Bert's
niece.' That explained it then. She was Bert's niece and that's
how he might have known that Ray was on his own but he couldn't
have done because he was at work all day and Marcia wouldn't have
rung him at the fish shop. Ray thought about this for a minute or
two but let it go. What did it matter. The great thing was that
Peg was home and Ruby was OK.
Peg and Ray sat on in the living room for a while. Peg dozed off
and when she woke up, she said, 'Ray, it's a bit chilly in the house.
Did you open the windows?' Ray said he hadn't. Peg wasn't so sure
so she got up and went round searching for open windows: upstairs
first, into all three bedrooms and the bathroom and then down stairs
and finally into the kitchen. She was in the kitchen for a while
and when she came back she was even paler than she had been when
she got back from the hospital. 'Ray, did you hear anything earlier
today, like breaking glass?'
Ray said he had. Peg sat down. Her face was working but she didn't
say anything.
Instead, she looked over at Ray's jigsaw and started to point out
what she liked in it. He laughed. He couldn't remember Peg being
so interested in his favourite puzzle. So they chatted on for a
bit until it was time to call it a day.
Ray was dog tired and went quickly to bed. Peg started to clear
up. Later, when Ray was slipping off into sleep, he heard Peg on
the telephone. He couldn't hear what she was saying but she sounded
upset. That was the last thing he remembered that day. In the morning
though he soon realised that Peg had called a cousin who had a job
with a firm who fixed windows because in he came, Albert. He was
a lively sort of chap. He moved fast. Brought in his ladder and
all the bits and bobs he needed very quickly. He'd finished in just
over an hour. Ray couldn't believe it. Peg was delighted. She said
Albert was one of the most efficient people she'd ever met. He seemed
pleased but he also seemed a bit rushed and said he had to get on
or the boss would notice he was late for the next job. Off he went.
Ray and Peg sat on in the kitchen. Peg admired the new window. It
was much cleaner than the old one and much easier to open. She showed
Ray all the ways you could open it and they had quite a laugh trying
them all out. When they'd stopped all that, Peg asked, 'Ray, do
you know who threw the brick?' Ray said he did. It was Dale. He
knew it was because Dale had tried to stop him getting home yesterday
and he'd just ignored him and walked straight past. He'd had to
because he needed to find out how Ruby was. He'd stayed too long
at the beach and he'd got a bit lost on the way back, that is, until
Bert had helped him out. Peg listened in silence. She was very quiet
indeed, not like her usual self at all. Ray began to wonder whether
he'd done something wrong but he couldn't think that he had. Finally,
Peg said, 'Thanks, Ray.' Then she left the room.
Ray sat on the kitchen chair and started to hum. He liked the Paul
Robeson songs Ruby sang the best, so he hummed one of them. He looked
out at the birds all skittering about in the back garden. Had he
fed them? He couldn't honestly remember so he popped out, got the
bag with the feed in it and scattered a lot all over the bird table
and on the ground. He wanted Ruby to know that he'd kept them fed
and chirpy. As he turned to walk back in, he saw Peg lift down the
'phone book and start to flick through it. She stopped at a certain
page, thumbed down the numbers and then kept her finger on one place.
Ray came in and asked who she was calling, Peg said it was the police.
Into the quiet kitchen, Peg's voice said firmly, 'I'd like to report
a crime, please.'
Then there was a gap and she said, 'We've had a brick thrown through
our window and I'd like someone to come down and get the details,
please.' Someone must have answered but Peg can't have liked it
because she said much more firmly, 'Yes, but I need someone to come
here and take down the details.' There was a long pause while Peg
kept hold of the receiver and said nothing. At last, she said, 'Yes,
I need to report a crime. I need someone to come here and take down
the details.' Another long delay and then Peg said sharply, 'No,
I don't want to give the details over the 'phone, I need someone
to pop over here.' Then they must have asked for the address, because
she said, it's 27 Archer Street, Hotwell.
When she put the 'phone down, she looked angry but all she said
to Ray was, 'Shall we go and visit Ruby?' Off they went, Ray and
Peg. Got straight into the number 37 and right down to the hospital
in 15 minutes. Ray hadn't had to visit the hospital before so it
came as a bit of a shock. It was huge. It was so big you just couldn't
take it all in at once. Luckily Peg knew exactly where to go and
they walked right along to ward 7 in the Gynaecological Department.
It was a huge ward too, so many beds and so many people in them.
Ray tried not to look. It was none of his business who they were
and they were all women and all in their night gowns. At last, they
got to Ruby's bed and there she was sat up in it, looking cheerful
as always. She was wearing a bright pink dressing gown which Ray
thought he hadn't seen before but he might have been wrong. Was
she pale? He didn't think so. Anyhow, they all had a good chat and
laughed quite a lot and he felt a bit more confident to look around
him. He didn't feel at ease with what he saw though. Too many people
in bed and too many of them looking miserable. One old woman was
crying. Ray hated that. He turned back to Ruby and Peg and concentrated
hard on what they were saying about the state of the roads coming
into the hospital and the charges for the car park. He could have
been bored but he was just happy to see Ruby again. He knew she'd
be Ok now and that was positively all that mattered to him, so he
shut off and just listened to the sound of their voices rising and
falling and the occasional gasp of indignation about something or
other. What did it matter? He could have stayed there for hours.
The big chair he was sat in was comfortable and he'd realised that
the noises all around were interesting. Voices, trolley rolling
sounds, chair scratching, children pushing up against the beds,
coughing, matron talking loudly above it all. It was fun. But then
he heard matron say that it was time for the visitors to leave and
Peg started to collect all her bags together. He got up and started
to walk out. Ruby called him back and asked whether he wanted to
give her a kiss. He said he definitely did and did so, very firmly
so that she giggled. Then Peg and he left.
There was no 7.30pm bus. They waited and waited and Peg said she
was getting cold. Eventually at 8.10, the 37 arrived. The conductor
was grumpy and didn't say hello or look at either of them. Ray walked
straight up to the top of the bus. It was lovely to look out over
the night sky. Peg seemed to shut off but not for long as they were
back at Archer Street very soon. She seemed to have difficulty getting
down the steps so Ray had to help her a bit and he really enjoyed
that. He liked helping people. Peg said her thank yous as they reached
the front door and Ray had already got his key out ready to get
them in quick before she got cold again.
He couldn't understand it as he was as warm as toast. His green
pullover with the high neck was really warm. Ruby had made it for
the Christmas before last, which was one of the best because uncle
Martin had come over from Canada and they'd all played a mountain
of different games and he, Ruby and Peg had drunk a few bottles
of wine and laughed even more than usual. Would Martin come again
this Christmas he wondered. He had better ask Peg as soon as she'd
had a cup of tea.
The rest of that evening was a bit of a blur. Peg made tea and set
out ham and cheese and cake for Ray, which he ate. He knew he went
to bed but he didn't wake up until 11.00am the next day by which
time Peg had already gone to the hospital to check on Ruby, leaving
a note on the kitchen table. Ray read it quickly. He was very hungry
and wanted to get on with it. He made toast, tea and a boiled egg
and he ate the rest of the fruit cake. That was more like it. He
might even go to the Kiosk and get that meal from Colin. He'd have
to kill a bit of time first. He left the house soon after 12.00.
That's what the police reports said. Ray wandered down to the beach,
picked the best deck chair and sat watching the sea. There was no
one about and nothing at sea. It was brilliant. He could have sat
there for ever, just watching. Why didn't they teach this at school?
Watching. What a brilliant thing. True happiness comes from that,
he thought. The police records said that he was beaten to death
by pebbles being thrown at him for at least an hour. They thought
it might have been a gang.
Years later Peg thought she should have talked more about Dale but
at the time she thought, what would it mean to say that one guy
had done it? Who cared? Did it bring Ray back? Did it lessen her
or Ruby's pain? She didn't think so, so she kept silent. Ruby shut
Ray's bloodied jumper up in the locked top drawer of her dressing
table and said virtually nothing for two years. When she did snap
out of it, she up and went to Canada, to live for good. Martin was
pleased. |
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Organic Café (the start of another story…..?)
The cardigan was navy blue. The label said 7-8 years. It was covered
in mud. No, that's not right. It was mud smeared as if it had been
dragged through mud. It lay on top of a padded jacket. It was also
small. It was beige with a cream stripe across the chest and above
the armpit on the sleeves. It had smears of white paint across it,
each side of the front zip. Someone had laid it on top of the rock
right above the football pitch. The football pitch was above the school
and quite some way from the churchyard, the usual scene of youth crime.
So, that's what I was already assuming. I was on the track of a story
on one of those days when such a thing is entirely necessary to a
writer's task. Face it down, I told myself: young kids, nothing to
do, strip down a younger child, make her cry, humiliate her a bit,
then agree to let her go. But there's no story here. Stories come
out of the woodwork, sometimes in organic cafés, like the one
I've just wandered into, places where everyone is behaving themselves,
having policed life into organic habits. Snug behind the coriander
and the limp mint. "I'll bring that over to you, dear…." She
said in a tired voice, tipped over into a kind of passive bravery.
I tried to put this young woman together with the one in the poster
behind my head. That one teaches Flamenco dancing in the same school
beyond the football pitch. She has the same forearms and maybe the
same hair but not stretched back tight a la Flamenco, that would be
entirely unnecessary in this café. What must it be like teaching
Flamenco in Hebden Bridge? Five over 60s, one depressed mother, a
newly divorced father, three out-of-work graduates and two menopausal
friends. It could be the basis of things going strongly awry. Too
much thumping of the feet to secure an even interplay of characters.
I could have asked her,"Are you that Flamenco teacher, then? Is that
you on the poster?" ……could I ask, "Are you that Flamenco
teacher? I mean is that you on the poster here behind my head? I thought
it just might be…?" But I did not ask. Her face showed some
kind of restraint which had made an impression on me. Instead I sat
with my decaf coffee with an impressive name and tried hard to imagine
an exciting incident in Hebden Bridge, a place designed to seduce
the faintly pious traveller: handcrafts and home made hats and shoes;
local organic foods, good books and cafés with home made and
organic food. But piety doesn't get stories conceived, unless you're
a Flaubert, of course. A middle aged man with a smart quiff came into
the café at this point. He said hello and then got out his
newspaper after a few brief niceties. I wondered whether his hair
required brylcream but I was just floundering, plundering my own repertoire
of misapplied hair unguents at different stages of my life and the
men in it. This would not do. I glanced across at the drinks board
to see if there might be something more cerebrally enhancing, when
"Women's Wonder" leapt out at me in yellow chalk. The notice said,
it's carrot, apple, pear and fennel. Who could ask for more? Especially
than fennel? Could that entice more than ginger? It's amazing how
the reveries of the stomach can be so much more potent than those
of the intellect. I was still lingering over the small smeared cardigan
but I knew it was a mystery that was already explained and most probably
subject to a family row, along the lines of "….you were only
bought that last week. And what happened to your warm jacket? I can't
afford another one so I don't know what on earth we'll do now." That
sort of thing. But as I'm reeling back to the find above the football
pitch, the waitress in the organics' café, wanders over to
my table again. "I forgot your flapjack," she said….. … |
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